When was the last time you read a book that moved you so much you ended up sobbing over the pages? Or read a news article that made you so wound up you immediately sprang into action?
Language is incredibly powerful, but what moves me to tears might leave you completely cold.
Last week I came across the story of Minnie the missing tomcat on Facebook. Minnie’s owners were posting daily pleas for help, and I became completely invested. Where had Minnie gone? What had happened to him? I followed that story every day until eventually the update came: Minnie had been found.
His owners posted a heartfelt message thanking everyone for their support, and I got so emotional at the happy ending.
Some might have scrolled past that same post without it even registering. Others won’t have received the story at all. As a proud cat owner – one who also has experiences and emotions that are uniquely mine – it really got to me.
This is the thing about communication. The words we send don't arrive on a blank canvas. They meet a human being. And every individual brings a lifetime with them.
We all see a different pattern
Back in May, I visited The Kaleidoscopic: Writing Histories Through the Collection, an exhibition at the Bass Museum. It explores how our understanding of history changes according to the lens we view it through.
It struck me that people aren't so different.
We each have our own kaleidoscope: our experiences, age, history, learning, preferences and motivations all shape the way we see and make sense of the world. Shift the perspective and a pattern that seems completely obvious to one person can look totally different to somebody else.
That's a fascinating challenge for internal communicators.
Often, we’re trying to communicate one message to many, like a business-critical email we need to send to 100,000 colleagues at once.
We can't know the individual experiences and motivations of everyone who’ll open it, but we can bear in mind that 100,000 people won't receive that same message in the same way.
As humans, we’re gloriously complex and diverse, so how do we create comms that resonate with, engage and move everyone?
For me, it starts with curiosity. Here are my top tips for how to use curiosity to ramp up your comms impact.
You are not your audience
Be conscious of your own communication preferences – don’t assume everyone will respond to a message in the same way as you.
Take this sentence: “We've got a big challenge ahead of us.”
Some colleagues are thinking brilliant, this sounds exciting – bring it on! For others, it’s sparks a feeling of dread. They’re anticipating difficult times ahead and are already scouring LinkedIn for a new job.
Same sentence, same message, but completely different response.
When we operate on autopilot, it's very easy to communicate in the way we like to receive information.
Perhaps you love detail, so you give everybody every piece of information available. The colleagues who prefer messages to be brief? They just want you to get to the point and stop reading after your second line.
Perhaps you're energised by possibility and talk enthusiastically about everything a change could enable. Others want certainty, evidence and details of exactly how it’s going to affect them.
Neither response is right or wrong. They're just different patterns in the kaleidoscope.
As a communicator, your skill is being able to turn it.
Responses are the golden nuggets
The response to your communication is one of the most useful pieces of information you can get.
We naturally judge our communication by our intent. I thought I was clear. I was trying to reassure people. I wanted to create excitement.
But what did the other person hear?
If a message intended to create excitement produces anxiety, telling ourselves that people have misunderstood it doesn't get us very far. The response gives us a clue about the meaning that was created at the other end.
Feedback is valuable, so be intentional about seeking it. Ask what people heard, what resonated, what confused them and what they still need. Not only will this give you insight into a specific piece of comms, it’ll also help you become a more skilful communicator by broadening your understanding of how other people interpret the world so you can ‘speak’ to them in future comms.
Look beneath the behaviour
Understanding what drives and motivates people can be the difference that makes the difference.
When someone questions a change programme, it can be easy to view them as resistant. But turn the kaleidoscope and consider: what's behind their question?
Perhaps they’re motivated by certainty and need more evidence before moving forward. Maybe they're concerned about the impact on their team and need to understand the practical implications.
What looks like the same behaviour can have very different motivations sitting beneath it. Likewise, different behaviours can sometimes be driven by the same need.
If you're communicating with thousands of colleagues, you can't know what motivates every individual, but you can build your understanding of the different things that might be influencing how people respond.
There are tools that can help. One we use at H&H is PRINT®, which explores underlying motivational needs and how they can influence behaviour. Used well, psychometric tools can offer another lens through which to understand ourselves and others.
But that's what they should be: a lens, not a label.
No profile captures the complexity of a human being. For me, the value of these tools is in the conversations they unlock and the curiosity they encourage.
Communication is a human act
We have more data, technology and communication channels available than ever before, but communication still comes down to one human being trying to create meaning with another.
That requires skill and intentionality. It means thinking carefully about language, being aware of our own preferences, listening to responses and staying curious about what might be driving them.
It also means accepting that we won't always get it right.
The aim isn't to find a magical set of words that will make everyone think, feel or act in exactly the same way. People are far too interesting and complicated for that.
Instead, perhaps our job is to become better at recognising that our view is only one view.
The next time somebody responds to a message in a way you didn't expect, resist the temptation to immediately decide that they misunderstood it, weren't engaged or were simply resistant.
Get curious. Turn the kaleidoscope. You might be surprised by the pattern you see.
