'When you can't get the words out, it's a challenge'

Stammering runs in my family, and there are certain letters I really struggle with. Vowels are tricky, and so is the letter “N”. I hate saying my name because of that letter – imagine not wanting to say your own name.

The act of stammering is more than just physical. It comes with feelings of shame, embarrassment, anger
and anxiety. Sometimes, I think it’s easier to just stay quiet. Other times, I question whether what I have to say is worth the stammer.

Everyone deserves the right to speak up, but when you physically can’t get the words out, it’s a whole new challenge.
 
I was the DE&I lead for the Shell Young Professionals Network, and it allowed me to directly support our company’s DE&I agenda. As part of this role, I facilitated a lunch and learn session on stammering, and I brought in an external guest who is a successful entrepreneur and also stammers, to demonstrate that you don’t have to let the condition hold you back.

The event was so well received, and the audience were very engaged – we had a mix of people who have a stammer and allies who wanted to know more about it and how they can offer support.

The willingness at Shell to let me hold the session was so important. People in attendance appreciated the openness of the conversation, and hearing others’ experiences made me feel so comforted as I knew I wasn’t alone.

That event changed my life as it helped me realise that my stammer is only a big deal when I want it to be. Now when I do stammer in public, I’m not so hard on myself and I find it easier to shrug it off rather than overthink and want to run away.

After I held that event, I received so many emails from participants asking how we can push the agenda on this topic and ensure that it’s discussed more within the companies in the Shell Group. I received suggestions on how we can better support colleagues with speech impediments, including a potential email signature of support, which is being looked into.

It was so heartwarming. Knowing that I have allies and that people are willing to help make me feel supported helps me get through the bad days where I’m stammering more than usual.

I feel genuine support from colleagues when I’m treated just like everyone else in the team.  My stammer is obvious, but my team has never brought it up nor made me feel self-conscious about it. I’ve not told them I have a stammer, but I’ve never felt the need to. If I’m stuck on a word, they all wait patiently until I can get it out or until I use an alternative word. I have full control of what I want to say.

Inclusivity is also a big one for me – I love presenting and facilitating, and my team continues to ask me to run these types of activities, highlighting their support. This acceptance and encouragement make a huge difference. Knowing my workplace is a safe space makes me feel a greater sense of wellbeing both professionally and personally.

Verbal communication is one of my strengths, and if I listened to everyone who made fun of me at school for it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. My stammer makes me who I am, and if I’m okay with that, then others should be too.